Life & death.

I just watched a documentary about a cancer survivor. As usual this kind of movies makes you think about life. About how we're spending the time given to us on this earth. As strange as it seems, but I find that upcoming death drastically improves person's quality of life. That's when you really start treasuring every moment you've got left.

People are stupid. Absolute idiots. At least most of them, most of the time. Well, ok, I'm sorry. Some can be called ignorant, but essentially there's almost no difference. We make the crucial mistake of taking things and people for granted. We're absolutely unable to learn from the mistakes (and sometimes from the examples) of others. We hear somebody saying: "You should really live every day like it's the last one.". We nod. We forget it the very next moment. Is everybody really living their lives the best possible way? Are they really that satisfied? Do they feel helpless and unable to change anything? Or they just take the miracle of life and living for granted? I know I am not satisfied. I'm learning how to live better and I feel this is gonna be a life-long process. That's the way it should be.

I feel like one of the best exercises (that comes to mind) of making your life better (or finding what you regret or lack in your life) is the following:

1) imagine you're told that you're terminally ill. Let's say you've got 3 years to live,

2) if imagining doesn't work watch a movie like the one I did ("Crazy sexy cancer") and really get into it if you can. Try inserting yourself in the place of the hero/heroine of the movie,

3) when you're finally there, feeling everything you should, try looking at life. Your own life. What would you do today knowing there are only ~1000 like them left? Essentially it's true, you just don't know the magic number. Go outside. Look at the birds, trees, sky. Take a breath of fresh air. Take it all in. Try finding people laughing and/or smiling and learn from their example. Who cares if a random passerby thinks you're weird, standing and smiling/laughing for no apparent reason. This list could be continued on and on. Life is absolutely full of awesome things. We should enjoy as much of them as possible.

Finally, do I remember this every day? No. Not even close. But I'm trying to and I'm getting better at it.

I can only hope that all the above doesn't sound like just another blabbering about a topic that is talked about since the beginning of days, because it does to me. It doesn't matter how I put it, words just don't seem to work this time. Still, hoping you got smth out of it.

Speech of appreciation.

It's time for me to purposely write smth about some of the most important people in my life. Yes, the most important ones are my family. They always will be. Unconditional love. Second group, obviously, is my closest friends. I have been blessed to meet a ton of awesome people - good acquaintances, better friends. The latter group deserves/receives my utmost, dedicated, forgiving, etc., etc. attitude. You might meet me daily or just once a year. Live next to me or a thousand miles away. It does not matter. I learn a lot from you guys. I'll forgive a lot, because that's what you've earned, and because I know you'll rarely disappoint me. I have not told that to almost any of you. I am more of an inside person. But trust me, I am grateful for every single bit that you teach me in this life. For every single word that has made me become the way I am today or the way I will be tomorrow. It's all you. Be that somewhat of a bitter experience or a happy one. They're equally valuable. Mostly you don't even recognize those moments, but I do. I appreciate honesty. Perhaps sometimes it's painful, but it always drives me towards the goal. Becoming a better person. Friend. Human. Thank you!

Mixed emotions

You live and you learn. Again. Last weekend was fun and full of things to reconsider. I failed and learnt from my own mistakes. I was pleasantly suprised for the outcome of some meetings and somewhat disappointed in others, but hey, that's how life goes, doesn't it? And somehow I am happier to have experienced my mistakes, because now I know where I should improve. Nobody is perfect. However, you don't get even close to perfect if you're not trying to.

The darker times.

I've learnt that for most of us life isn't easy in one way or another and when all that weight goes down on us we just have to be strong and power through, because we can and because if we play our cards right it all will get better eventually. At the darker times there are certain things that keep people above water. For some it's their other half or close friends that cheer them up and have their back when they are weak. For me in addition to my supportive friends, it's the knowledge that there are good people out there whose lives are going great. People who are happy and absolutely deserve it. When I think about it, it's probably because that would be a proof of carma and that by leading a smart way of life and being good one can eventually reach a happy life. Unfortunately, today one of such supporting pillars came crumbling down. A friend, who I thought had a reasonably happy and good life, had made some bad mistakes and sounded pretty beat up inside. I will have his back now and help to work his sh*t out. However this would be a good time for some good news. Need to strengthen my fortress..

On the other hand, lately I have been rather dissatisfied with some of my actions and the way I've taken my life so I'll try to change it for the better (again). Hope it works. For all of us.

Miles.

"But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep..."

/Robert Frost/

We are the broken people.

Yeah, I'm really slow, but somehow only now I realise what is my kind of people. Those are the broken people. I just feel them so well and just as well they feel me. The connection through shared pain is strong. It doesn't mean all my friends are broken. Luckily, no. But quite a few of them are. Strong, smart, kind and happy outside. Broken somewhere deep inside.

Zebras princips.

Pat tiem cilvēkiem, kas apzinās, cik fenomenāla un skaista ir šī pasaule, reizēm gribas padoties un krist.